I have been stuck in a MAJOR rut lately, and I am ready to break out. I have lost and gained back the same 5 lbs about 4 times now and have really not progressed much in the past two months. I don't know if I can really say I have hit a plateau or not, because honestly I have not been trying very hard. I have a bad week and then the next week I do better and I have been going back and forth like this for almost 2 months now. I talked to a friend the other day who is on this same journey and has been struggling lately too and she said that she feels like she is struggling because she is getting too comfortable. She can fit into a seat at the movies, or the dentist office now, her clothes fit her better, and she is just a regular fat person as opposed to a really fat person. She is happy with what she has accomplished and feels better than she did so she is just getting comfortable with being THAT kind of person. I totally agreed with her, that is exactly how I have been feeling. I feel SO much better than I used to, and I have come a long way and accomplished many things. It is such a hard journey and it has only gotten harder and I was starting to get too comfortable with this new person I have transformed into. That doesn't sound like such a bad thing except I know myself too well and I started to sabotage myself and have been eating terribly. I know that if I give up now and allow myself to just be comfortable with this new person, I will quickly turn back into that old person I left in the dust. I have been trying to convince myself that I can keep going but for some reason, just can't find the motivation that I had in the beginning. Then last night at a very random time the thought very clearly came to me and said, you are not done with this journey. Yes you have run a 5K and can fit into some clothes in the regular section at some stores, but this is not where you wanted to get too. You have to keep going. Your husband and children who have supported you so much deserve more from you than this. Dust yourself off and keep going. You can do it. Right then I turned to my husband and said, tomorrow is a new day and I am going to get back on track, I can do this. He is the most amazing supportive husband I could ask for. He said to me, OK so what do you need to do to set yourself up for success this week. We sat and talked about things that I need to work on, such as planning ahead for dinners, and scheduling time to exercise. I told him that I can not do this alone and I need his help. Speaking of needing help, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and praying over the past couple of weeks as I have been trying to pull out of this funk. I kept thinking why am I not getting help, why can't I figure this out and come out of this. I realize now that I have had the answer all along, but I have just not been doing my part in it. I have been totally lazy about everything and sat around waiting for everything to magically change. I think I have just been afraid of the next half of this journey for some reason and have been looking for excuses to fail instead of reasons to succeed. I realize now, that I have come WAY to far to stop now. I can not allow myself to be happy with where I am at. I have bigger goals for myself and I will never accomplish them if I just sit around being happy with where I am at now. I am worth it and I deserve to accomplish everything I set myself out to do. At church today I was looking up scriptures that had to do with strength and came across this one, that I know is going to be a huge source of strength for me as I go forward:
"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."
What an amazing answer for me. I can not tell you how much strength and peace this is going to bring to me. I know without a doubt that I am doing the right thing for me and my family. I will never be alone on this journey. I have the most amazing cheerleaders on my side.