Addiction

Hi my name is Christa and I am addicted to food. 

 I am sure this doesn't really come as a shock to anyone, but I have recently realized the level that this addiction goes to and that it really truly is a real addiction.  Last week I attended my first addiction recovery class, put on by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I know I have come such a long way on this journey and everyone says you can do it, keep up the good work, look at everything you have accomplished already which yes is all true, but it doesn't really help me get over what the bigger problem is.  FOOD!!  I am ashamed to admit that it has been all consuming lately, like bad.  I think about it all the time.  I eat it in private so no one can see what I am really eating and I hide it so no one knows that I have it.  I am embarrassed by it, but feel that I just can't get a hold of it right now.  I have always known that I have had a problem with food, but until recently didn't realize the depth of it.  I will have these amazing thoughts of motivation and will power and then 5 minutes later I am stuffing my face with chips and cookies.  I have become numb to it and feel like I don't have any control over it.  That is why I have decided to start going to the addiction class.  Last week was my first class and I really enjoyed it.  I didn't speak up or say anything about myself because honestly I felt a little bit like a fraud being there with all these other people with substance abuse problems, but listening to what they have to say about how they are getting over their addictions, really was inspiring.  I do know that it is a real, but it just seems so silly compared to other peoples struggles.  How hard could it be compared to drinking or doing drugs.  I have thought a lot about it this past week and realized that maybe it is even harder than that.  You can quit drinking cold turkey, but you can't stop eating.  Food is EVERYWHERE you go it is an hourly struggle to make good choices.  I am not entirely sure how I am going to get over this, but I know that I am not going to give up.  I am going to continue to learn and know that I will be able to push past this.  The biggest thing I have learned this past week is that I can not, nor do I have to do it alone.  I have a savior that is always there waiting to help me and wants to help me.  Through daily prayer and study I know that he will comfort me and strengthen me and lift me up over this trial.  I want this so badly, but just can't seem to access the part of my brain that will let me allow it to happen.  So I will continue to push forward never giving up, constantly learning, and hopefully one day I will have it all figured out, or at least enough to get me through.