Blessed Beyond Measure!!

I was lying in bed just now trying to take a nap, but tears came to my eyes and I started to think instead of how truly blessed my family and I have been over the past month.  I have so many thoughts going through my head right now that I want to share, but it is kind of a jumbled mess.  I know if I wait, I will lose a lot of what I am wanting to write down for myself to remember.  This time of year is such an amazing time of thankfulness anyways, but this year it has held a whole new meaning for me.  We have truly been blessed beyond measure!!  

I had my surgery on Tuesday of this week, and am happy to say, that everything went well.  The morning of the surgery was a rather amazing time for me.  I know that sounds weird to say, but I have never felt more calm and at peace than I did in those hours before surgery as Tyler and I waited in the hospital room.  I fully expected to feel nervous, panic, impatience, scared, etc., but I did not feel any of those things.  It was as if the Savior had his arms around me the entire time protecting me from all of those things.  I truly felt the effects of all of your prayers on my behalf and I can not tell you how grateful I am for them.  When the Dr. came in and said it was time and Tyler and I said our good byes, I did have to fight a little bit to keep it together, but still knew I was in good hands and was going to be OK.  Once I was in the operating room, I had a moment when the anesthesiologist was getting me hooked up when a nurse came and put her arms around me and just help my hand.  I shed a few tears, a little bit of fear mixed in with the love I was feeling and then I was asleep.  I remember waking up with some nurses around me and then I woke up again in a different room with Tyler by my side.  I can not tell you enough how grateful I am to have a man like him by my side.  Heavenly Father sure knew what he was doing when he picked him for me.  He is the most amazing man I have ever known and has not left my side during any of this.  He is the most unselfish man I know and would do anything in his power to make his family happy.  He has taken such good care of me that I almost feel guilty for being sick.  I hope someday that I can give back to him what he has given to me. 
We came home from the hospital that evening to my amazing mother in law who came to help out with the kids.  She has been such great help to us.  She took the kids with her on Wednesday up to Tyler's sister Heidi's and kept them up there with her until Saturday, so I could get some good rest and recovery time in.  Thank you so much to Heidi and McKay for opening your home to my children and putting up with them for the past week.  I am so grateful to you guys and all your help.

I am happy to say that I am finally feeling so much better since surgery.  I have two different incisions,  one from taking the lump out and one from taking out some lymph nodes.  I was a little surprised by the size of the incisions, they are a lot bigger than I expected.  It is pretty sore and tender, but the big thing that has kept me down is feeling light headed and nauseous.  I was not prepared for that, but I am told it is from the anesthetics.  Yesterday was the first day I didn't have to spend the better part of the day in bed and was actually able to get up and be productive.  I can't tell you how good it feels to have a clear head again.  I now wait for a few weeks and continue to recover before we start radiation.  I have to admit, that when I was first diagnosed with cancer, the thought came to me, oooh maybe something in all of this will make me lose some weight.  Pretty sad thought that I was excited for the possibility of cancer to help me lose weight I know, but I thought it.  I mention this because when I went in for my appointment with the oncologist on Monday he told me that indeed I wouldn't need to have any chemo, but I would have to take a medicine called tamoxifen for the next five years, which drastically reduces the risk of ever getting breast cancer again, but the side effects from it are hot flashes and weight GAIN.  Come on, seriously!!  Really though I am so grateful for the diagnosis I got and that I don't have to go through chemo which might make me lose some weight.  I will just have to fight that much harder for that which I really want.  It will only be that much sweeter.  I am hoping in one year from now I will be able to say, that in the past two years I have lost 160lbs, and kicked breast cancers butt.  What an amazing day that will be!!

I have learned through this experience how spiritual it can be to be in the position to receive service.  It is so much easier to give than to receive as we all know.  It has been amazing to me though to see the different kinds of service that has poured in from so many different places, from people from all different points in our life.  People we see on a daily basis to people from our past we haven't spoken to in years to people that we don't even know that we had no idea even knew or cared what was going on in our life.  It is just amazing to me to know that I am loved enough for people to stop what they are doing in their own busy life and step to help out in mine for a minute.  I will never be able to say thank you enough to all of you that have truly blessed me and my family.   With that being said, I want to find a way to pay it forward, and there couldn't be a better time of year to do that than right now during the holidays.  I have something in mind that I would like to do, but I need to work out the details of it first before I share it with all of you, so please watch out for it.

I hope this Holiday Season you all spend a little extra time with your families and grow closer together than you already are.  I encourage you to look for the many blessings you have been given and give thanks for it every day.  

I love you all!!

Update

So the last couple of weeks have been some of the craziest of my life.  I wanted to take a minute though and give all of you and update on where things stand with my breast cancer.  First though I want to thank each and every one of you for you kind words and prayers that have been said on my behalf.  I have definitely felt the love from all of you.  So the first big thing that has happened it that I was accepted to medicaid.   I can not tell you what a huge relief it is to know that everything will be taken care of.  I have no idea how we would have made it work other wise.  Tyler and I sat around and talked about how we would file for bankruptcy and move to Montana and live in my parents basement.  I wouldn't mind living close to my parents, but I am glad we don't have to file bankruptcy to make that happen.  Other things that have happened is a million phone calls and Dr. appt. scheduling.  I am SOO grateful for the amazing people that have been helping me with all of this stuff.  It has been so overwhelming even with their help, that I do not know what I would do if I didn't have them to guide me through the process and help me get to where I need to go.  

The first Dr. appt. I had was with the surgeon.  We just met him and kind of talked about the route we want to take and what my options are.  Since we caught it so early, I have opted to just do a lumpectomy instead of a full mastectomy.  My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday November 20th. Yesterday I went and met with the radiologist, who just kind of explained all of that to me and what to expect.  He will give me a 3-4 week recovery period after surgery and then I will start radiation therapy.  I will have to do that for 6 weeks, 5 days a week.  That is going to be a long process, but we will do whatever we can to get through this.  

Today I go in for an MRI so they can get a closer look at the rest of my breast tissue and make sure there are no other smaller lumps hiding in there.  If on the off chance there are a lot of other lumps in there, we will then have to go the mastectomy route.  I am really hoping that is not the case.

On Monday I go in to see the oncologist.  I am not exactly sure what he will be doing yet, but I have heard that I will have to take medicine after this is all said and done to keep the cancer from returning.  The oncologist is the one that will work with me on that.  After the oncologist I go back to the surgeon for a pre-op appointment and get all the details set for surgery the following morning.

It has been a crazy roller coaster ride of emotions, but I am just glad to be getting going on things so we can get over this hurdle.

As far as the whole weight loss goes, I have been TERRIBLE!!  I have totally been using food as a comfort and numbing tool lately and it has not been good at all.  I really do not want to waste all the hard work I have put into this journey thus far.  I hope I can just come to grips with things and stop the emotionally eating soon.  On that note, I will close, because I need to go and pull out the chocolate chip pumpkin bread I have cooking right now. Ha!

I will update again when I know more.  Thanks again so much to all of you for all you have done for me and my family.  We all really truly appreciate all you do.  We have the best friends and family.  Love you all!!

I didn't see that coming!!

Do you ever look at another person's trials and think I am so glad that is not me, or that will never happen to me?  Well this week I was giving some pretty shocking news that will forever change my life and I will never think again, that won't happen to me.  This past week I was diagnosed with breast cancer!!  Never in a million years did I expect that to be me, especially right now in my life.  I am only 34 years old and have no family history of breast cancer.  I was only getting a mammogram to prove to my soon to be life insurance company that they lump in my breast was only a fibrous cyst. After the mammogram the doctor told me he was 95% sure it was nothing, but just to make 100% sure, he recommended that I get a biopsy of the lump.  I went in on Monday and got that taken care of and was really not worried at all.  Thursday afternoon they scheduled me to come in a get my results.  I was so confident it was going to be negative.  I was not scared or nervous or anything.  In fact Tyler and the kids stayed in the car and I planned on just running in there really quick getting my negative results and running back out and continuing on our way.  When I sat down and the first thing they say is we are sorry and very shocked ourselves, but your test results came back positive.  I can not even tell you the wave of shock and emotion that came over me.  It was one of the most numbing experiences of my life.  I immediately stopped them and said I need to call my husband.  The lady then kindly dialed Tyler's cell phone and asked him if he would please come down, that his wife needed him.  The kids were left in the lobby and looked after by some of the staff.  Tyler knew right away as soon as he got the call and was just as shocked by the news as I was.  With Tyler's arm around me the lady continued on to say that we are lucky we caught it so early, and that this is the best possible diagnosis we could receive given the circumstances. She also said, there is a 99% survival rate and while yes it will be a hard and scary road for the next little while everything is looking positive.  She has an appointment set up for me to meet with a surgeon next Wednesday to discuss where we will go from here.  I will have to get a lumpectomy and then most likely go through some radiation treatments.  Because we found it so early though I shouldn't have to have any chemo.  She also helped me get set up with a lady that is hopefully going to be able to help us financially, as we do not have any health insurance.  After we talked with her for awhile longer, we brought the kids in and talked to them for a few minutes.  We didn't want to scare them and tell them that Mommy had cancer, so we just said that Mommy is sick and we will need them to be extra good and helpful for the next little while why Mommy is getting better.  So I would ask that you please be respectful of that and don't talk about it in front of your kids as well.  I just really don't want it getting back to my kids from anyone except us when we feel the time is right.  

After leaving the Dr.'s office I was rather numb for the rest of the night.  One thing though that I couldn't help thinking about were all the blessings I was now able to see fall into place.  The timing of so many different things over the past week happened so perfectly as to prevent us from making some pretty big choices that would now leave us in a bind had things not worked out they way they did down to the minute.  

Now that I have had a few days to reflect on it I am feeling pretty positive about it myself.  It has definitely changed my out look on life and what things are important to me.  Not that my family wasn't important before, but they have become even more of my #1 priority.  I have also realized even more than I already knew how much of an amazing husband I have.  I could never do this without him.  He has taken such good care of me and I know that he will continue to be at my side through out this whole thing.  He has already worked out his work schedule for the winter so as to be close and available any time I need him there.  That is another blessing that this is happening during the winter months so that Tyler is able to be home when I need him.  I am grateful to his bosses for being willing to work with us and give him the time he needs for his family.  They have always been so good to us.  And to the rest of my friends and family that have already stepped up and offered to help in anyway possible, I am so grateful.  I have the most wonderful support group around me and know for certain that I will be greatly blessed through this whole process.  For those of you finding out about this through my blog, I apologize, but it is just to draining to call everyone and tell them.  I have cried about all the tears I can cry and my eyes have been stinging since I found out.  

Thank You again for all the support I have and will continue to receive,  but more importantly thank you to my Savior for watching over me and continually blessing me beyond measure.  I am in awe of the love I feel all around me because of him.

Addiction

Hi my name is Christa and I am addicted to food. 

 I am sure this doesn't really come as a shock to anyone, but I have recently realized the level that this addiction goes to and that it really truly is a real addiction.  Last week I attended my first addiction recovery class, put on by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I know I have come such a long way on this journey and everyone says you can do it, keep up the good work, look at everything you have accomplished already which yes is all true, but it doesn't really help me get over what the bigger problem is.  FOOD!!  I am ashamed to admit that it has been all consuming lately, like bad.  I think about it all the time.  I eat it in private so no one can see what I am really eating and I hide it so no one knows that I have it.  I am embarrassed by it, but feel that I just can't get a hold of it right now.  I have always known that I have had a problem with food, but until recently didn't realize the depth of it.  I will have these amazing thoughts of motivation and will power and then 5 minutes later I am stuffing my face with chips and cookies.  I have become numb to it and feel like I don't have any control over it.  That is why I have decided to start going to the addiction class.  Last week was my first class and I really enjoyed it.  I didn't speak up or say anything about myself because honestly I felt a little bit like a fraud being there with all these other people with substance abuse problems, but listening to what they have to say about how they are getting over their addictions, really was inspiring.  I do know that it is a real, but it just seems so silly compared to other peoples struggles.  How hard could it be compared to drinking or doing drugs.  I have thought a lot about it this past week and realized that maybe it is even harder than that.  You can quit drinking cold turkey, but you can't stop eating.  Food is EVERYWHERE you go it is an hourly struggle to make good choices.  I am not entirely sure how I am going to get over this, but I know that I am not going to give up.  I am going to continue to learn and know that I will be able to push past this.  The biggest thing I have learned this past week is that I can not, nor do I have to do it alone.  I have a savior that is always there waiting to help me and wants to help me.  Through daily prayer and study I know that he will comfort me and strengthen me and lift me up over this trial.  I want this so badly, but just can't seem to access the part of my brain that will let me allow it to happen.  So I will continue to push forward never giving up, constantly learning, and hopefully one day I will have it all figured out, or at least enough to get me through.

I'm Baaaack!!

So in my last post I mentioned that for some reason I had it in my head that I could not start back until the kids went back to school and we got on a better schedule.  Well I am happy to say that the kids have been back in school for a week now and I am doing and feeling great.  It is amazing how powerful the mind can be.  I was terrible up until the day the kids started school and then something switched on in my brain and we are back on track.  That is something huge I have learned along this journey.  Our minds are very powerful things.  I just hope I can continue to figure it out so I can have even better control of what I put in there, or maybe more importantly try to figure out how to get things out of it that have been programmed into it for so long.  We are definitely making progress though.  

So this past week I got in a lot of great exercise and have not felt so sore in quite sometime.  Tuesday night I really tried to talk myself out of exercising.  I had gone to a funeral earlier that day and was really just exhausted.  Thankfully I realized that skipping a workout was not the best way to get back on track.  So I laced up my running shoes that night at 9:00 and went out for a nice run.  Then on Wednesday I went to the gym in the morning and attended a class called muscle fusion, and let me you, that kicked my butt.  I was so sore for two days afterwards, but I loved it and can't wait to go again this week.  Thursday morning I went out running again.  Friday I was lucky and got to tag along with a friend on a beautiful hike.  We hiked Ogden canyon falls for 2 and 1/2 hours and I could barely walk later that night.  But is was so beautiful and I can't wait to go some more.  Luckily my hiking partner was very patient and had to do a lot of waiting around for me to keep up with her.  Thank you again Jen for a great day!!  

This was me reaching the top!!

 Views from the top. 

 The waterfall is kind of hard to see since there is not a lot water this time of year.

Then lastly on Saturday morning I ran in the Layton Classic 5K.  It was a really pretty course but uphill for at least 75% of it.  It was a bit brutal on my legs that were already killing from hiking the day before.  But I am happy to say that I was able to complete it again with no stopping or walking.  My time was about a minute slower than the last two, but considering the uphill course, I am happy with that.  I would like to go and run the race again but do it backwards and see how much faster I can do it on the down hill side.  :) Another fun thing about this race is that my kids competed in the kids K following my race.  It has been fun getting the whole family involved on my journey.  Tyler has told me that he will run a 5K with me when I reach my 100lb mark.  He says he is not a runner but he will do it for me as a reward for my accomplishment.  He better start training because I will definitely hold him to that.  

I still love that running gives me something to work towards and the sense of accomplishment.  I can't wait to feel what it feels like to run with all this weight off of my body.  I imagine myself gliding through the air, OK it probably won't be that easy but I am looking forward to it still.

This next week my goals are to exercise each morning right after the kids leave for school, and then to have dinner figured out before they return home from school.  I have been looking for some new recipes and am so looking forward to fall and all the yummy soups and such that go along with it.  If you have any healthy fall favorites, please send them my way. 

 And thank you again to those of you that still follow along and keep supporting me on this journey.  It is a long road and I could not do it alone.  Your words of encouragement mean so much to me.

Trying to figure it out!!

So I realize I have not blogged in a long time and that primarily has to do with the fact that I have not been doing so hot lately.  This summer has been so crazy busy and we are constantly on the move that I have just pretty much failed completely.  I just kind of got tired of blogging about how I am good one week and then blow it the next.  That is how it has been all summer long, and it really has got me down lately.  All of the internal negative mental junk that I thought I got figured out in the beginning is starting to creep back into my head and making it really difficult to succeed.  I keep telling myself that once school starts I will be able to get back on track and get on a good schedule.  Then I have this internal struggle with myself about that and end up eating like crap and telling myself it is OK because once school starts I will be back on track, but then I end up feeling guilty for eating like crap, which then turns into no good negative self talk, which then makes me just want to eat more.  Ugh, it is one big vicious cycle that I just can't seem to break free of.  Does anyone else out there experience feelings like this and figured out how to pull through it.  I am totally not giving up, I am just tired and looking for ways to re-energize my drive and motivation.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  

And just so this post isn't a total downer, here are a couple pictures of some successes I have had this summer.

I completed my second 5K and Tyler's awesome sister Heidi came and ran it with me.  Thanks again Heidi, it was a lot of fun to have someone to run with.  I am running my third race in three weeks.  I guess I better start running again if I am going to make it.

 

I also went through and cleaned out my closet and was able to get rid of about 75% of my clothes because they no longer fit me.  Afterwards I went and did a little shopping and was very happy to learn that I could fit into an Old Navy XL shirt, super exciting.  The down side to that is that shopping takes so much longer now that there is 10 times more clothes to choose from instead of the usual 2 racks of plus size they have at most stores.  I think I will be able to get over that inconvenience pretty quick though.

This is everything I got rid of.

And  this is what my closet looked like with everything missing.  Most of the stuff left is borderline stuff, but I couldn't get rid of everything.  Definitely time to fill it back up again.

 So wish me luck and hopefully I can snap out of the funk and get back into being the great me that I know I can be.

Feeling Good!!

So today was weigh in day and I am so excited with the number I saw on the scale this morning.  Since my turn around on Sunday, I have lost 9lbs.  Yes that is right 9lbs. since Sunday!!  Woot woot!!  I was able to finally break through that 80lb. plateau and also get into the next 10 digit.  My total weight loss thus far is now 83.4lbs gone forever.  No more back and forth crap with that 80lb. mark I just couldn't break.  I can't tell you what a good thing that has done for my head to know that I have finally broken through that. I can also say that I am more than half way to my goal.  I am feeling so strong and motivated.  I can't wait to bust through the next 80lbs. 

Tomorrow morning I run my second 5K, and then start to train for a 10K that I will be running in September.  I have never been a runner before and I know I have said this before, but I just love how running races, gives me something to work towards and gives me such an amazing feeling of accomplishment.  My goal is to run a half marathon next year sometime.  Thank you again to those of you who have pushed me into running and helped support me so much along the way.  There is no way I would running right now if it wasn't for you guys.  Love Ya!!

My next big goal is to hit that  100lb. mark in the next 6 weeks.  My parents are coming in town for a big extended family anniversary party for my grandparents and all my aunts and uncles and cousins will be there and the last time I saw any of them was Christmas time about a week into this journey.  Really I just can't wait to be able to say it, "I have lost 100 pounds."  That is going to be a happy day.  Also I told my hubby that he has to take me away for an overnight date somewhere when I hit that 100lb mark too.  We don't get away much just the two of us so I am SUPER excited for that as well.

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!!  I encourage all of you to get out there and do something active.

What's on the menu Wednesday!!

I decided I need to do better at updating the blog and hope that it will help keep me motivated to keep going.  So I decided that every Wednesday I will post a new recipe or something to do with food.  I am happy to report that since I have been back on track I have been doing really good.  I took a sneak peak at the scale this morning and was very happy with what I saw.  I won't tell you today, but will make you wait until my official weigh in day on Friday.  

So for today's What's on the Menu Wednesday I am going to share two different recipes with you that I have made recently.  The first one is a chicken marinade that I made the other night for a BBQ we had.  It is called Grilled Island Chicken and I found the recipe on Pinterest.  It was super yummy and the chicken stayed very moist and was very flavorful.  I think it would be great with some grilled pineapple.

Grilled Island Chicken

1/3 cup vegetable oil

3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice (from about 1-2 lemons)

1 ½ tablespoons soy sauce

1 clove garlic, finely minced

½ teaspoon dried oregano

¼ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

2-4 chicken breasts

Combine all ingredients except chicken in a mixing bowl or large airtight plastic bag. Whisk or shake well until the marinade is well mixed. Add the chicken breasts to the bowl or plastic bag so that they are covered by the marinade. If using a bowl, cover tightly with plastic wrap. If using a plastic bag, press out all the excess air and seal the bag tightly. Refrigerate and marinate up to 10 hours (I would suggest marinading for at least 3 hours at the minimum).

Preheat a gas or charcoal grill to medium heat. Grill the chicken for 6-7 minutes per side (depending on how thick the chicken breasts are), until the chicken is no longer pink in the center (if you have a meat thermometer, the chicken should register 165 degrees). Tent with foil and let the chicken rest for about five minutes before serving.

Alternately, the chicken can be baked using the following directions:

When ready to cook the chicken, preheat the oven to 350° F. Place the chicken breasts in a baking dish and pour the excess marinade over them. Bake in the oven until cooked through and the internal temperature reaches 165° F, about 45 minutes (exact baking time will depend on the size of your chicken pieces.) Remove from the oven and let rest for 5 minutes before serving.

Recipe Source: from melskitchencafe.com

The other recipe is just a snack that I made up but have been really enjoying, probably a little bit too much.  It is a dip for my apples.  I don't have any exact measurements or anything so you will have to judge it based on your preferences.  I take about 2 Tbl. peanut butter, add a good squirt of honey, a bit of cinnamon (I like a lot of it), and a handful of oats.  Stir it all up and dip your apples it and enjoy this super yummy snack.

I hope you enjoy these!!  Let me know what you think of them if you try them.

Back On Track!!

I have been stuck in a MAJOR rut lately, and I am ready to break out.  I have lost and gained back the same 5 lbs about 4 times now and have really not progressed much in the past two months.  I don't know if I can really say I have hit a plateau or not, because honestly I have not been trying very hard.  I have a bad week and then the next week I do better and I have been going back and forth like this for almost 2 months now.  I talked to a friend the other day who is on this same journey and has been struggling lately too and she said that she feels like she is struggling because she is getting too comfortable.  She can fit into a seat at the movies, or the dentist office now, her clothes fit her better, and she is just a regular fat person as opposed to a really fat person.  She is happy with what she has accomplished and feels better than she did so she is just getting comfortable with being THAT kind of person.  I totally agreed with her, that is exactly how I have been feeling.  I feel SO much better than I used to, and I have come a long way and accomplished many things.  It is such a hard journey and it has only gotten harder and I was starting to get too comfortable with this new person I have transformed into.  That doesn't sound like such a bad thing except I know myself too well and I started to sabotage myself and have been eating terribly.  I know that if I give up now and allow myself to just be comfortable with this new person, I will quickly turn back into that old person I left in the dust.  I have been trying to convince myself that I can keep going but for some reason, just can't find the motivation that I had in the beginning.  Then last night at a very random time the thought very clearly came to me and said, you are not done with this journey.  Yes you have run a 5K and can fit into some clothes in the regular section at some stores, but this is not where you wanted to get too.  You have to keep going.  Your husband and children who have supported you so much deserve more from you than this.  Dust yourself off and keep going.  You can do it.  Right then I turned to my husband and said, tomorrow is a new day and I am going to get back on track, I can do this.  He is the most amazing supportive husband I could ask for.  He said to me, OK so what do you need to do to set yourself up for success this week.  We sat and talked about things that I need to work on, such as planning ahead for dinners, and scheduling time to exercise.  I told him that I can not do this alone and I need his help.  Speaking of needing help, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and praying over the past couple of weeks as I have been trying to pull out of this funk.  I kept thinking why am I not getting help, why can't I figure this out and come out of this.  I realize now that I have had the answer all along, but I have just not been doing my part in it.  I have been totally lazy about everything and sat around waiting for everything to magically change.  I think I have just been afraid of the next half of this journey for some reason and have been looking for excuses to fail instead of reasons to succeed.  I realize now, that I have come WAY to far to stop now.  I can not allow myself to be happy with where I am at.  I have bigger goals for myself and I will never accomplish them if I just sit around being happy with where I am at now.  I am worth it and I deserve to accomplish everything I set myself out to do.  At church today I was looking up scriptures that had to do with strength and came across this one, that I know is going to be a huge source of strength for me as I go forward: 

Mosiah 24:14-15  

"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

What an amazing answer for me.  I can not tell you how much strength and peace this is going to bring to me.  I know without a doubt that I am doing the right thing for me and my family.  I will never be alone on this journey.  I have the most amazing cheerleaders on my side.

Montana Vacation Post #1

So school got out for summer on Friday and we loaded up the car and headed up to Montana to my parents house.  Me and the kids are staying up here for two weeks, and Tyler just stayed for the weekend and will come back in two weeks to get us.  Before we came here, I was really nervous to come.  I really wasn't sure how I would do with my eating and exercising, and was afraid to get out of my routine.  The more I thought about it though, the more excited I got.  I had actually not been doing very good at home the last couple of weeks and decided it would actually be a good thing to get out of my normal routine and shake things up a bit.  I have given myself a big goal of losing ten pounds while I am here, and decided that I wanted to blog about my trip as I go, and maybe it would be motivating to me to make sure I have something to blog about.  I am surrounded by such beauty at my parents house in the mountains and I want to take pictures each day of what I choose to do for exercise.  I wanted to do a post everyday, but my parents have dial up internet and it is extremely painful to try and blog at their house, so I will have to make due with a post every couple of days, when I can get to my brothers and use his computer to do it.  So my parents life on five acres up in the mountains and for day one, I went on a nice little 3-4 mile walk, run, hike on this big loop near my parents place.  The last 1/2mile there is a 400ft. incline and it was a bit brutal, but I survived, and will live to do that route another day. 

For day two, I went on an awesome 2 hour hike with my dad in the mountains behind their house.  I was not sure how I would do on it since I haven't done any hiking in a very long time.  There were a few points when I was out of breath, but overall, I did really good.  We took a few fun pictures along the way.  It was a lot of fun just spending time with my dad in the mountains he loves.

 This was a cool hide out thing some squatter had made for shelter.  Also if you look closely in the pictures you can see a feather in my hair.  We found it and I thought Lauren would like it.

 Beautiful Mountains!!

Today for day three, me and my mom took the kids to a near by lake and walked around it.  It wasn't quite the work out I wanted though.  With the kids there is just too much to stop and look at, that we never really got our heart rates up very good.  We are going to try to get back out there tonight and get another little walk in.  I took some more pictures today at the lake. 

How lucky am I that I have this beautiful nature to work out in.  I really hope I can keep this up and accomplish the goals I have set out for myself over the next couple of weeks.  Stay tuned for my next post to see what fun places we explore next.

5K Success!!

So I can't believe I actually did it, I ran an entire 5K without walking or stopping. 

 About 4 months ago, a good friend asked me if I would be interested in doing this 5K with her.  She told me she would run with me and help me out.  Luckily I didn't give too much thought to it, and just said sure why not.  I think if I would have taken some time to think about it, I would have NEVER thought I could have done it.  At that point I had just started working out on a regular basis.  The first time I got on my treadmill, it took me 32 minutes to walk just one mile.  Little by little I continued to improve.  The first time I decided I would try to run, I was able to run for one minute, and then jumped off the treadmill and puked.  I kept pushing myself though.  I started using the couch to 5K program and that was really helpful and motivating to push me along.  I remember the first time I was able to run for five minutes straight and thinking, this is so hard, there is no way I am going to be able to run a whole 5K.  I had it in my mind that I would just continue to push myself, and then when the time came, I would just do my best, which definitely wouldn't be running the whole thing.  I did the C25K program for about 6 weeks on my treadmill and then decided I wanted to start running outside.  Once I started outside, I didn't really use the program any more.  I just listened to my body and pushed it to where I could.  It wasn't until about 3 weeks ago that I was able to run my first mile with out stopping.  I did that 3 times and was able to improve my time by about a minute each time I ran.  I still had the mindset at that point that I would have to walk/run the race.  However on Wednesday I wanted to go out running for what I knew would be my last time before the race and see how far I could push myself.  That night I was able to run almost 3 miles and for the first time got a little glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe I could really run this whole thing.  

 Friday night me and my friends went to go and pick up our running packet and it was crazy the crowds of people who were there for the event.  It really got me excited and made me feel like I was stepping into a new realm of people.  The race I did was with the Ogden marathon, which is in the top ten marathons in the country.  There were over 9,000 runners, from 42 states and 5 countries competing. 
I had to be up at 4:30am the next morning, but struggled to fall asleep due to my nervous excitement.  My alarm went off way too soon, but I popped out of bed and thought, OK here we go, ready or not.  We had to catch a shuttle bus to the start line an hour before the race even began, so there was a lot of time to kill standing around in the windy cold weather.  It was kind of fun though getting all pumped up with the big crowd all there for the same reason.  It was fun to walk around and see all the different kind of people there waiting to race.  I certainly felt cool being among the crowd.
 I had decided I was going to push myself and run the whole thing.
 At promptly 7:00 the race began and off I went.  I found the pace I was comfortable with and just kept going.  I never once told myself I couldn't do it, or that I needed to walk.  I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and just enjoyed it!!  I never thought I would be able to say that I enjoy running, but I have learned that it just really gives me a sense of accomplishment and pushes me to try harder.  

The coolest part of the race was nearing the finish line and seeing all the people waiting and cheering.  I quickly scanned the crowd looking for my family and friends who I knew were waiting for me.  The announcer even announced my name as I entered the chute and crossed the finish line.  What an amazing feeling that is, I DID IT!!  Just writing this I see how far I have come in such a short period of time, and I can't believe it.  I immediately ran over to my husband who was waiting with open arms, and we both just cried.  I am so lucky to have such an amazing supportive husband.  It was also neat to have my kids see me finish, and see what I have worked so hard to accomplish.  Lauren told me as I put her to bed last night, that I was the winner of the race in her eyes.  Both my kids want to run the next one with me.  

I definitely want to keep running and push myself to continue to improve.  I wanted to finish the race in under 50 minutes and was able to do it in 46:40, which was way better than what I expected.  So that is my jumping off point and I only want to get better from here.  Thank you so much to everyone that has supported, pushed, and cheered me on.  I truly could not have done this alone.  

The race also happened to fall on my 5 month mark, and I am happy to report a total weight loss of 78.2lbs. gone forever.  I am so happy that I finally decided to take back control of my life.  I have never felt better and I can't wait see what the rest of this year holds for me.  Here are some fun pictures from the race, that you can enjoy as my 5 month progression pics.

Back to the Basics & 4 months pictures

So in my last post I said that I was in a good routine now, but I am finding, that I am getting a little too comfortable with it and pushing my limits with food.  I am not going crazy or anything, and really doing nothing bad, I am just pushing it to my limit, which may be why I am not seeing the numbers I would like to see.  I am still losing and that is great, but I realized I need to get back to the basics when I first started and was super strict about what I was eating and snacking on.  So for this next week I am making myself a promise to snack super healthy and to plan out my meals for the week in advance.  That is another area I have been slacking in.  I have not done good with my meal planning, which is an area that can get me into trouble.  Planning and organization has forever and will forever be a struggle for me, but I know that when I have planned ahead, I have SO much more success with things.  Why then is it so hard to do, I will never understand. 

Something else I have kind of lost sight of, which helped me so much in the beginning, is the Sponsor side of Sponsor Me Slim.  I have talked in more depth about what it is in this post, but I will give you a quick version of what it is.  Sponsor Me Slim has teamed up with Nourish the Children to help slim down America, while at the same time feed the starving children of the world.  This has really proven to be a great motivating tool for not only me, but everyone involved with the program.  So I have decided to step out of my comfort zone once again and ask you all for sponsors.  So many of you have already helped me out with this, and I am so grateful to you, but for those of you who have not yet, I am asking for your help.  The way it works is I have a goal set to lose 160 pounds, you pledge me for any amount you want, and when I reach my goal of 160 pounds lost, I collect the money, and 100% of it goes to feed starving kids.  How awesome is that!!  I can't wait for the day to help those little kids and I need your help to do it.  If you would like to pledge/sponsor me, please send me an email (tlightfield@hotmail.com) with your sponsor amount.  Thank you so much for all your help and support!!

 Now for my four month picture reveal.  I would like to note that the jeans I am wearing in these pictures are 4 sizes smaller than the ones I am wearing in my starting pictures.  Woot, woot!!  I told Tyler today that he better start saving his money, because when I lose all my weight I just might take up clothes shopping as a hobby.  Oh and I almost forgot two exciting things that happened this week.  I ran my first mile, with out stopping or walking, yay, and I hit the 70lbs. gone forever mark, double yay!!

Slow and Steady

So I realize that I have not posted for the past couple of weeks.  I just really haven't felt like I had anything to share to be honest with you.  No I have not given up or anything, I have just kind of settled into my routine and there is really nothing exciting to say about it.  I am eating healthy and exercising regularly and losing weight slow and steady.  I am now one week shy of four months and am down 64.4 lbs.  I am averaging about 2.5 lbs. a week right now, which I am happy with, but I would really like to be in the 3-4lb range.  I will definitely take what I can get though.  

I am currently getting ready for my 5K that I will be running on May 19th.  I have definitely seen an improvement in that area and am actually kind of excited to do it now.  Another fun thing is that I have found several more articles of clothing that fit me again.  That for me has been a big help in motivation.  When I look at myself I still just see this big fat girl, and it is hard to see the progress when looking in the mirror.  I know I am doing great and making good progress, but it is just hard to break away from that mental image I have of myself.  So to be able to fit into smaller clothes has been a big help in realizing that it really is happening.  

This past month I also took second place in a contest they were doing at Sponsor Me Slim.  I won an ageloc galvanic spa system which I am super excited to start using.  My face and skin could definitely use some help.

I am really trying hard to just live normal and not think so much all the time about what I am doing.  Obviously it takes a lot of thought and time, but I am trying to really live my new lifestyle and just be OK with what it is.  I have realized that this is something I will forever struggle with, but if I can get comfortable with the idea that this is just how it is, then I feel I will have more success over the duration of my life.  Overall I am feeling better every day and looking to the future with excitement at all the things that will be mine.  Thanks again to everyone for your continued support!!

Inspirations

So this past week I had the opportunity to hear some pretty amazing people speak and I just wanted to share with you some of the notes I took of the thing s that stuck out to me.  

The first man I was able to hear from was Chad Hymas.  I briefly mentioned him in my last post, but I wanted to tell you a little bit more about him and his message.  Chad was paralyzed 10 years ago in a farming accident and has turned himself into one of the top motivational speakers you will ever hear.  The day of his accident he was on his way home to see his son who had taken his first steps that day, little did he know that would also be the day he would take his last steps.  One of the questions Chad asked us was, "Are you willing to change a habit for someone else?"  He told us, it was never about you.  When he was in the hospital after his accident, his dad came in to see him and he asked Chad, "are you just going to sit there?"  Chad's first initial response was, well yeah, I 'm paralyzed dad, not much I can do.  Chad quickly turned that attitude around and has made such an amazing story of his trials.  Chad travels all over the world speaking.  One very powerful statement that Chad made to us that day is that a lot of us are more paralyzed than he will ever be.  That is really so true.  How many of us let little things like fear hold us back from things we would like to do.   A few other really good statements he made are:

"Give more than you take."

"Don't be a talker, be a doer."

"Focus on what you still have and not what you have lost."

"Don't wait to be asked."

"Give other people hope by your actions."

I strongly recommend that if you ever get the opportunity to hear him speak, that you do.  I promise you will not regret it.

Another great man I have had the opportunity to hear from a couple times this past week is Dr. Marcus Laux.  Dr. Laux is a doctor that specializes in natural medicines and has spent 20 years traveling the globe looking for natures medicines.  He also appears on TV regularly teaching others the amazing things he has learned.  There were so many great things I have learned from him, that it would take to long to go into all of them, but I will list some of the things I have in my notes, and I want you to just take the time to think about each of them.

"If you want to save your life, you have to change your life."

"It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility."

"Persistence not perfection"

"You are AMAZING"

"Imagine what you will know tomorrow."

"Become a lighthouse and shine for others to see."

"The hardest thing to widen is a narrow mind."

"Watch not only what you eat, but what is eating you." (in your mind)

"Single best thing you can do is exercise."

"The body knows how to correct itself."

Another couple of things he told us that I wanted to explain more, he said that when going to the grocery store and shopping for produce and other things, and you don't know what type of food it is, you can look at the numbers on the labels to tell. If the first number is 4 then it is a conventional product, if it is a 9 it is organic and if it is an 8 it is a GMO (genetically modified).  I haven't had a chance to look at any products to test this out yet, but I found it very interesting and helpful.  Another interesting thing he taught me was about sweat.  The first 10-15 minutes of sweating, is just that, sweat.  But after that you will notice that your sweat starts to feel a little greasy, and that is because you are actually melting the fat inside you body and it is coming out of your pores.  It is very important to shower or atleast wipe it off, otherwise your body will reabsorb it.  The next time you get super sweaty, wipe some of the sweat on your fingers and rub them together and you can feel for yourself that it feels greasy.  I tried it this morning after running.

So you can see that I have been up to a lot of good learning lately.  I know it is a lot of info and I would be happy to expound on anything more you would like.  Knowledge is power and I definitely need as much power as I can get right now.  If any of you have any great knowledge to share with me, I welcome all I can get.

I also had my weekly weigh in yesterday and was down 3.6lbs for the week, for a total of 56.6lbs.  Moving right along!!

3 Month Pictures and Stats!!

So I have been on my journey now for 3 months, and I can't believe how quick time has gone by.  I am finally to the point where I can tell a difference in how I look.  Plus I am getting random people who I don't really know coming up to me and making comments too, and that really helps too.  I had the amazing opportunity to hear Chad Hymus speak yesterday, and he was so amazing to listen to.  One of the main points in his talk was to show by doing and not by talking.  I really feel like I am getting to that point.  Yes I have done a lot of talking, but now I realize there are a lot of other people watching me that I am not talking to and that motivates me even more.  I really hope that as I go along I am able to help others as others have helped me.  I really truly feel amazing and want to be able to pay it forward.  So anyways, on with the results.  In three months I have released 55 lbs and 32.5inches.  The areas I measure are bust (down 6.5in), Waist (down 9in), Hips (down 7.5in), 

R thigh (down 5.5in), R calf (down 1.5in) and R arm (down 2.5in).  

 

I still have my ups and downs, which I am sure I always will, but I am becoming so much stronger physically, but more importantly mentally.  I really feel like I finally have a grip on this and really know that I am going to do it, and it feels amazing!!  I am still so grateful everyday for everyone in my life who is helping me through this and giving me the support I need.  I could not do this alone!!

 

So here it is, the big three month reveal!!

 I only included my starting and current pictures this time, so if you have missed the last two you can go back to last month and look at month one and month two pictures.

My goal for the next 3 months is to lose an average of 15lbs a month, which would mean at my 6 month mark I would be down 100lbs.  Oh my gosh, that is crazy to even think about.  One day at a time and as long as I am moving forward, that is really all that matters.

Ornery Ramblings!!

I don't know why, but for the past few days I have been so ornery at everything and anything, for really no reason.  I realize that people don't need to read about my moodiness, but this is more for me and I am hoping that by writing about it, it will help me snap out of it.  Yes I am on my period this week so I am sure that has a lot to do with it, but it seems to be going a little deeper than normal.  I am in no way going to quit, but I am just feeling warn out and tired from all of this.  I have had thoughts like, this is just too hard and is going to take forever, and I can't do it, but then luckily that new positive side of my brain is taking over and making me realize that yes I can do it.  I am able to realize that if I don't continue on with this, I will be way more unhappy than I have ever been before.  I think the thing that is getting me is that this is just HARD and it takes so much time and effort, and planning, and organization.  I am trying really hard to wrap my brain around the concept that this is a lifestyle change and not just some temporary change until I get the weight off.  I have grown so much in the past 3 months, but I see that I still have a long way to go.  Time is another thing however that I seem to get caught up on.  I can't focus on how long this journey is going to be take, because that only makes it harder.  I need to continue to take it one day at a time and just focus on that and before you know it, I will be another 3 months into this.  I really can't believe that it has already been three months.  I realize I am totally rambling and I apologize, but I just going to keep on going, cause this is helping me.  A good friend just came to my door to bring me something she had for me, but she also brought me one of those mini mint 3 musketeers.  She asked me how I was doing and I told her good, but struggling a little bit and that I was actually in the middle of writing this post.  And if you know me at all you know that of course I cried talking about it.  It was really good though and I appreciate the words of encouragement she had for me.  I came back inside and looked up the calorie guide for the treat she brought me and saw that it was only 25 calories and so I ate it, and savored every bite and it was so good.  Thank you Jessica, just what I needed.  When I was looking up the nutritional information Logan was standing by me and it showed that the mini bars came in a big bag and he said, "that is good she didn't give you the whole bag, cause she doesn't want you to get fat again."  It has really been fun watching my kids learn along with me and see the things they pick up on.  Yesterday Logan said to me that if he had one wish it would be that candy was healthy for you.  Me and you both kid!!  OK now I am getting off track, but I am starting to feel better.  So lets take this in the other direction now and focus on the positives for the week.  There are three things that I can think of positive for the week.  First thing is that I lost 1lb this week, not great but I will take it.  Second, I got to spend some time with a good friend, while she pampered me and did my nails.  I don't get out much socially right now, really for just a lack of time, and it really was nice to just relax and have fun chatting.  And third and the most exciting is that I won a weight loss contest that I was doing on Facebook with some ladies, and I won $110.  Yay!!  I am truly grateful for the contest, and not because of the money, but because it really put my mind in the right place to be open for the opportunity to embrace the program I am currently doing.  This contest started before I started Sponsor Me Slim and before that I really had not tried to lose weight for the past couple of years.  I was just so tired of failing that I stopped trying.  So when I found out about the contest, I kind of thought, yeah I should probably do this.  So I signed up, but really didn't do anything about it for the first month or so.  I did however do a lot of thinking about it and started to realize again, that I really did need to find something for me that will work and that I can stick to, I just didn't know what that was, until that day I met Stacey at the mall.  So I truly believe that this contest helped me in so many ways, thanks again Jaimee for organizing it!!  OK I think I have done enough rambling for today.  I am going to take the rest of the day and make it positive and snap out of this funk and into happy grateful Christa.  I truly have a lot to be grateful for and am not going to waste anymore time thinking about how hard things are.  A weight loss coach/friend of mine wrote on Facebook this morning to,"DECIDE TODAY to CREATE PEACE, LOVE and JOY", and that is just what I am going to do.

Success!!

I am so happy today!!  Today was weigh in day, and I always get a little bit, no a lot bit nervous when I get on the scale each Thursday morning.  I cheated and got on the scale on Tuesday of this week and was really excited by the number I saw, and realized I was only 2lbs away from 50lbs down.  I thought to myself, oh my gosh this could be the week I hit 50, but then my mind goes into sabotage mode and I start to have negative thoughts, like you can't do it, and that number is not right and is going to be higher when you get on the scale on Thursday.  I am trying REALLY hard to get control over the negative me inside my head, but it is not always so easy.  So on Wednesday night I was stuck with a battle in my head of the positive thoughts battling to get the negative ones out.  I am happy to say that the positive won the battle and I went to bed dreaming of the number 50.  I was so scared to get on the scale this morning, I even stayed in bed longer than I should have even though I was awake.  So finally I put on a brave face and grabbed my camera (I take a picture of the scale on weigh in days (sorry not ready to show you the number yet))and headed up stairs to the scale.  I stepped on and closed my eyes for a second.  When I finally looked, I had to do a double take and did not believe what I saw.  10.2lbs down for the week for a total of 52.2lbs gone FOREVER!!  I did it!!  I was so excited I started to jump up and down.  My first thought was I have to tell someone about this.  Unfortunately Tyler was in a work meeting and I couldn't get through to him, so I called my parents, and then I called my coach, then I called a couple friends, then I put it on Facebook, then I finally got a hold of Tyler, anyways, you get it I was excited!!  Having times like these are so important along this journey.  I know I have said it before, but there is nothing easy about losing weight and to have moments like this where I can truly jump for joy just make it that much better.  Thank you to everyone who has celebrated with me today!! 

Tested

So my family and I just got back from a 9 day vacation to Disneyland, and while it was so much fun, it was very challenging and tested me like nothing else.  There have been several times in the past when I have tried to lose weight, that I would go out of town and blow it and then come home and give up.  I was determined to be successful this time, but it was not easy, and I still didn't get the results I was hoping for.  I went to Disneyland with a plan of how to be successful.  I brought my crock pot along and planned to put a healthy dinner in it every morning and then continue with my shakes for breakfast and lunch.  Well I didn't end up using the crock pot even once and most days only had one shake, but I was still doing good.  We cooked a healthy dinner twice, went out to a nice dinner once, and ate at subway or quiznos the other 3 days we were there.  I was proud of myself when we went out to dinner though, because I asked our waiter if they had a copy of the nutritional information and he told me they didn't.  I proceeded to look at the menu and decide what I thought I could eat.  I had a meal picked out, when all the sudden our waiter came back with a copy of the nutritional info he had found.  I was very grateful for it, and happy to see that the meal I had decided on was the best one I could have picked.  It was grilled chicken on a bed of wild rice served with steamed broccoli.  It was so yummy and under 500 calories.  

The hardest part of the trip was being in the park and seeing and smelling all the good food.  If you have ever been there before, then you know what I am talking about.  Every five feet there is another cart selling some kind of treat, and I swear they have fans blowing to waft the smell in every direction.  Not only that, but my husband gave in to my kids rather often and I had to watch all of them eating said treats.  It kind of took some of the fun out of the trip having to focus so much energy on not cheating, but I am proud of myself for the choices I made and I know that if I would have given in, I would have felt a lot worse.  I did let myself have one little splurge though.  I told myself if I made it though the week, then on the last day I could try the dole whips, which are a fresh pineapple sorbet.  I bought one on the last day and shared it with everyone, and it was good!!  

So coming home from the trip, I felt really good about the choices I had made, and was anxious to see what the scale said.  I was very disappointed to get on the scale and see that I had gained 4 1/2 pounds.  What the heck, where did I go wrong!?!  I look back now and can see that some of the choices I made for snacks were probably not the best.  I ate an apple everyday, but I also had some pretzels, and a lot of beef jerky.  While none of that alone should have resulted in a big weight gain, I realized that I was also not drinking very much water and eating lots of salt.  All that combined with traveling in the car for 12 hours straight can cause some major water retention.  Like I said before, that in my past, having results like this would have caused me to quit and give up, and while I did struggle with feeling down about it and frustrated, I did not give up.  I have focused this week on getting back on track and back to a good schedule.  I had my weekly weigh in this morning and am happy to report that I am back to within a pound of where I was when I left for Disneyland.  I am glad to have had this opportunity to test myself.  I find that every time I go through something difficult like this, I come out stronger.  There is nothing easy about this journey I am on, but I am so glad I have finally decided to do it.  I have the best support system and the most amazing husband that supports and pushes me forward.

A good friend shared this quote with me today, that I love and fits in perfectly,

 "You have not failed until you have quit trying." - Gordon B. Hinkley

  Another great quote I saw today from Pres. Hinkley said,  

"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok...it's not the end."   I love it!!

So to any of you that are on your own journey to get healthy, I encourage you to push through the trying times and I promise you will come out of it stronger.